Well, you knew I wasn't going to let this election nightmare slide by without weighing in, right? I've been pondering this entry for a long while. I've been trying to let the extreme emotion in my heart subside a little, and make sure that I make statements out of thoughtful reflection, rather than react out of passion.
Every time I write something on these pages, I try to recall my purpose. Since this blog went public a couple of years ago, I realize that more people than just my own children are reading them. I think sometimes I might write for an unintended audience, so I have to remember that at the heart of all of this, I'm really just telling stories to my kids.
Every day I realize the value in what I started here. I'm missing my own mother's voice in my life and I would give my right arm right now for a few dozen pages of her words to pore over. I'm hoping to leave my kids lots more than that...so I have to remember my purpose. I'm not going to address the country, or my Facebook feed, or even the Pantsuit Nation that I was privileged to be a part of (secretly!) this year. That was a delicious piece of this election, and the PN was sometimes the only thing I allowed myself to read right before bed so I could actually sleep at night.
I'm talking right now just to my children. So if you're here, and want to keep reading, go ahead. You're invited. But I'm not talking to you, just so you know.
Emma, Carys, and Cooper, I know you will remember 2016. I know you will, because all the unimaginable things have become real life this year. We moved off of the country paradise. The brilliant sunshine that was your Grandmother extinguished this year. And our country divided herself along the sharpest boundaries I've seen in my 42 years of living. This election caused you to have political conversations in your own classrooms, among your own classmates, who at 9 and 10 and 12 years old really have no idea what they are talking about, yet are eager to repeat whatever they are hearing at home.
I'm so sorry that was your life experience this year. Life was hard enough, without having to put up with all the other stuff. Your mother is pretty blue, in a whole lot of metaphorical ways. She's traveled the world, lived in other cultures, studied politics and literature, and come to a pretty liberal view on lots of issues. I'm doing what I believe is the right thing to do, and trying to lead by example as you develop your own value system. I'm trying to teach you that others are more important than yourself; that service is the path to understanding. That cultures other than your own are valuable and part of the rich tapestry that makes this country beautiful.
I believe in social programs that elevate the living experience of every human living within our borders, whether they passed a citizenship test or not. I am an idealist, and I don't apologize for it. I'm not interested in trying to explain to people why I believe my "hard-earned money" should be used in part to help those who need it, through any social program that could use it. I don't need to explain it; I just FEEL it, and that's good enough. I'm hoping to send you out someday into the big world with confidence - hoping to inspire you to travel it, see it, live it and feel it yourself.
The world is so much bigger than the town where you live. So. Much. Bigger. So when you go out and live in it, I want to send you with values that will keep you safe and make you blissfully happy. Love others. Give to others. When you don't understand them, ask questions and listen. What you reap, personally, from those experiences will be worth so many more dollars than you ever spent to get there.
I don't know what is going to happen over these next four years. I feel - and I hope and pray that I am wrong - but I feel that our nation might be teetering on a very dangerous precipice. I would have felt more safe with leadership that used diplomacy rather than scare tactics. I would have felt more secure with leadership that used the language of love rather than the language of divisive rhetoric. I would have felt more at ease with leadership that celebrated diversity rather than shunned it. So I worry.
Please know this one thing: because you are white, you will likely enjoy a privilege that you cannot ever fully comprehend. It will be a privilege you are largely unaware of unless and until you live a different life in a foreign culture. That privilege alone could make a smoother path for you than the paths of the people of color in our beautiful world. Please, please, don't ever rest on that. Acknowledge it, but never rest easy in it. Your privilege colors your view, and you must work to see past the easy envelope of its arms. You must surround yourself with diversity, ask questions, listen, and be so careful not to minimize the experiences of those who grow up without that shield.
I would not fear a Donald Trump presidency if I heard him, just one time, comment on the value of people of color. If he would, just one time, denounce the acts of violence and intolerance that white people of privilege are visiting on their fellow countrymen of color. I thought about including some news articles here to underline my point, but honestly, they hurt my heart so much to read that I can't bear to link them. Just trust me when I tell you that right now people in this country are hurting each other emotionally and physically on a terrible level, and all in the name of politics. I'm waiting for our President-elect to address it, to denounce it, to reverse his position on minimizing people of color. So far, I haven't heard that. I don't care one iota about anything else; his economics or his foreign policy, or anything else. I care about his ability to include every person in this nation in the safety and security that our military fought so hard to earn for every person standing within our borders.
We're living in a scary time. I tried to talk to you throughout this election about what I felt was at stake: human rights. For me, it wasn't about Hillary's gender. It wasn't about a glass ceiling, or the establishment, or the good old boys club. It was about which candidate made every American feel like they were equally important to each other, and it was about making our country a safe refuge for those escaping persecution. To me, that is why we were founded in the first place, and to close our borders to people who need us is unthinkable.
But Donald Trump earned his presidency through the votes of people who think differently than me. It doesn't mean they are wrong. (By the way, that was a seriously painful sentence to write, because of course I think they are wrong. WRONG.) But I have to remember that the life they led put them where they are in their thinking. It is no less legitimate than the one I led. I am genuinely surprised, though, at who some of them were...as my Facebook feed filled up with pro-Trump propaganda, I kept careful attention of who they were. It's helpful to know that, as I relate to people in real life. As hard as it was not to engage in the yuck, I really didn't. I walked away from a lot of ugly, and simply pressed the "like" button when I saw something that aligned with my views.
It's hard to love people when they are different from us, sometimes. But that's the real work - love them anyway. You must. Loving them anyway does two things: it keeps you true to your value system, and hopefully the side effect is that loving them inspires them to pass it on.
I was raking leaves the afternoon after the election, pondering the state of our Union, actually, when our neighbor came over to tell me a story. She tells me that when Cooper was hanging out at their house playing, the topic of politics came up. She shared this one-liner from good old Coop:
"I think if Donald Trump wins, we have to move to Canada. But I think that's a win-win, because of Canadian Bacon."
I'll have to remember to clarify with my little guy when I'm being sarcastic. I love the USA. I love her. I love her so much that I'll stay here and keep making her better, the only way I really can: loving and listening and learning. And hopefully, I'm setting a good example for three more little people to keep it going.
