I've been a little quiet on the family blog this fall; it's not that there's nothing to write about, I assure you. It's only because I started a Master's program. As it turns out, a Creative Writing Master's expects you to write a lot. (Who knew?) To date, I have written 41 papers for class. I started in July, so you can do the math on that.
It's hard to find minutes to write for myself, but I do have a few thoughts in the quiet week of Christmas Break to share on the all important topic of evolution. I'm talking mainly about social evolution - the way we grow and change with our surroundings and our circumstances. This year we've had a lot of change in our world, and I see it manifesting in each of us differently. My kids are weathering the storms of physical and emotional growth and maturity with as much grace as I could ask of them. There are certainly ups and downs, but I remain proud of their ability to make mistakes and learn from them. So far the stakes have been low, and I'm glad for opportunities to parent them through small things, hoping that the life lessons will stick someday when there are big things.
Aaron dissolved the family business this year, stepping away from tile setting and construction for the first time in his life since he was sixteen years old. Making the decision to accept a job at the school for the Building, Grounds & Maintenance crew was scary; he's been setting his own work schedule for so long I wondered how he was going to adjust to that setting. (Not only does he have set hours on a set schedule, he's got to watch his construction crew language now that he's in school around kids all the time!) But this change has transformed our family in so many ways.
He goes to work at 5:45 every morning, and punches out right before the kids get out of school. That makes him available to pick them up from school, attend every single school activity, and be home every single night for supper. No more road trips, jobs in other states, no more working every odd hour imaginable, including weekends. I can't count how many days and nights he was missing from the family unit in pursuit of the business that kept us afloat. Having him here and present has changed our family dynamic tremendously.
My favorite change that has come with this new position is harder to define. For many years, my job at school has been a little bit of a mystery to my husband. I can talk about school as much as I want, but the truth is, unless you are IN education, it's hard to really relate to the special circumstances and challenges that being an educator brings. He's become a different kind of listener; now that he is in the system he understands me differently, and I can't begin to articulate how much our relationship to each other has deepened and evolved.
I remember a conversation we had a long time ago when we were first married. I was spending lots of hours at school, working on one thing or another. Aaron would be annoyed at my seeming inability to set it down and just come home. He couldn't understand why I would spend unpaid hours there doing extra or unnecessary things. I think when you work in the private sector, that is probably unheard of: you get paid for the work you do and that is that. Teachers' hours are measured in heartbeats, not in money. We live and breathe for our kids, and don't think about the time or the money or the stress; we think about their faces and their minds and their hearts. Once, a long time ago, he asked me, "Why are you giving so much of yourself to other people? What about you?" And I didn't have a good answer for that - I didn't even know how to explain it.
Well last week, we came full circle, back to the question. Being in the school all day every day has put him in close, regular contact with students. And one, in particular, has caught his attention. He's begun to notice for himself that some kids don't have what other kids have. It's one thing to know it, its quite another to FEEL it, especially when that kid is someone you begin to feel a connection to. In the past month, he's been on a mission; buying extra packs of socks and pants and tee shirts, school supplies and odds and ends and donating them to a particular classroom. He comes home with stories about his interactions with students - one teacher even convinced him to wear a purple fuzzy Santa hat all day and participate in a school Scavenger hunt. (What?! Have you MET my husband?) These are just a few examples - he's volunteering for overtime, going in on weekends just because, and asking what else we can do to make life better for kids at school. I'm leaving out some details for privacy, obviously, but this change in my husband is delighting me more than I can even articulate. He gets it - finally. And that means he gets me too, on a level we haven't been able to connect on before.
It makes me think about how we evolve. Every new challenge changes us and brings us to an entirely new plane of understanding. I couldn't have imagined this 15 years ago when we were first married. I wonder what the next fifteen will bring?
