Almost

About a month ago my friend Erin called to tell me there were rumblings about a possible opening for an English teaching position in Buena Vista. I must say right off that we considered this seriously. I went so far as to order transcripts, secure recommendations, apply officially, accept an interview, and begin entertaining buyers for the farm. We went to great lengths to make this a possible option; in the end we made the decision not to go. Please forgive me that I can't go into all the specifics this time - I can't tell you the details and walk you through it; I simply cannot relive it.

It is no mystery to anyone that I am homesick something awful for Colorado. People often ask me what it is about that place that I love so much, and I just can't tie it up in a neat little summary for them. I would have to spend a couple of hours telling stories and giving examples; that town is so much more than just a sum of its parts, and it requires more than mere words to paint that picture.

For a couple of weeks I fought a fierce internal battle, and on any given day I could be found leaning one way or the other. Aaron and I spent hours going through the pros and cons...sorting out housing issues, school issues, moving issues, family issues, etc. But in the end, the decision was made through circumstances I could not control...one by one, each carefully placed plan fell through, and it became very clear that I am not meant to go.

I think when I saw the open position, I became swept up in the memory of BV...it has a powerful hold on me. But the Universe is wise, and God is good, and you know what they say about unanswered prayers. This is where we are, and where we are is good. We made a life for our family that is good. More than good, maybe, as Erin reminds me every single time we talk.

On the day I sent the email declining my interview, my heart was broken anew. It felt like I had very nearly grasped my bliss, and here it was, slipping slowly through my fingers. And on that day, when I was at my lowest, I got a note from my friend Angie in Blue Earth. (I bet you don't even know, Ang, how timely it was.) Out of the clear blue sky, she sent me a message about a song she liked that she thought I would like too. The song is called "A Life That's Good" from the Nashville soundtrack. As I listened, the words solidified for me that the life we have here, the life we have made HERE, is good. (I can't tell you, Ang, how much I needed that - needed it right then. I'll tell you all about it when we're out on the boat together this summer.)

It gave me a sense of peace. I have to share it, so you can feel it too, in case peace is what you're really needing right now. Thank heaven for my friends. For Erin, whose strength keeps me grounded and Holly who stands beside me always and Melinda who makes my wish list look possible, and Kathy whose heart is just like mine and sends Maisy when I need her, and for Angie Loge who has absolutely no idea that she saved me. And for everyone everyone (you know who you are, you wonderful people - holy cow, if I get going I might be writing for days) everyone, who makes it bearable to live in sub-Arctic conditions 9 months out of the year. Love to you.

And to God, who knows the plan...hopefully. Just kidding, God, I know you got this.