Present Over Perfect

I'm one of those few people in the world who is lucky enough to call my school administrator my friend. In the spirit of friendship, he offered this read to me, mentioning that it held great meaning for him and wanted to pass it on. This wonderful book, "Present Over Perfect" by Shauna Niequist, is a must-read for anyone who wants to "Leave Behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living."

I'm only half-way through it, and already feeling profoundly affected. I find myself writing page after page of reflection, applying bits and pieces of the wisdom within to my own life. This is one of those books that, while it doesn't fit me exactly to a tee, is full of little pieces of truth that is changing the way I look at the world, and the way I identify my place in it.

If you know me at all, you know I'm a "yes" person. I thrive on moving, constantly, and giving myself and my time to anyone who needs it. I'm not so great at giving to myself. When I do for myself, I feel selfish, and I feel like I'm letting people down. I invent ways I've let people down in my head, even when I haven't. When I'm using an afternoon off for myself instead of calling someone, or catching up, or planning some activity, I feel immensely guilty. I have long defined my value by what I can give to other people.

I think I might use this post as my litmus test for success: a year from now, I'm going to look back at the blog and see how far I've come on some of the goals I've decided to set for myself. The idea of saying "no" to the world and "yes" to ourselves is not a new one...but this book gives a little "how-to" plan that I seem to have been missing. It is difficult to give ourselves permission to turn down invitations for fear of disappointing people, but "to do this, though, you have to give even the people closest to you - maybe especially the people closest to you - realistic expectations for what you can give them. We disappoint people because we're limited. We have to accept the idea of our own limitations in order to accept the idea that we'll disappoint people. I have this much time, I have this much energy. I have this much relational capacity." That paragraph - that one - I have to photocopy it and glue it to my mirror.

So. We're always learning, aren't we? Thank you, Andy...it's exactly what I needed right now.